Sing, the rotor Sang

The rotor spun like the devil, slicing hair and grit into tinier grimy clumps to be sucked out by vacuum power.

“What you’ve got here,” grunted the Oryx, with a long-winded hock travelling up its transparent esophagus, “is a tiny, liddle, widdle,…” He tried to denote microscopic with his large fuzzy pads, and failed. “Winker,” he finished, “sliding all easy down your pipe, and then growing hair, and gunk and gills, as it feeds on your dinner leavings.”

He snorted again, meaning silence for 30 seconds as a runny green river travelled up his snout, and emptied with a vibrant honk into his hankie.

“I’ll count you just 30 quid less,” he whispered with a knowing wink from one mid-trunk eye. “Just cos I tooking a liking to yoo-z,” he reached for another gasket with a grunt, “and cos I just enjoy pulverizing the little suckers.” A wicked gleam flashed like a pink dot over the surface of one tiny eye, and he levered up the engine’s starter, and (hem!) let it go!

The maniacal rotor blade spun to life, like a flashing, dashing lily that spun uncontrolled across the ground, nearly nicking Petunia’s delicate heel, before Grotus managed to stuff it with a grunt and apology into the gunk-lined drain pipe.

Once aligned, it shot as though in its native element, covering twenty feet in twenty seconds, before the Oryx reigned it in with the careful cadence of his pedal.

“Root, toot, toot, root-toot,” it spun merrily, whacking against the pipe walls, clearing gunk and hair alike like an unstoppable lawnmower.

Grotus was just about to boast about another macabre aspect of his favourite device, when it suddenly found its target, biting into it with a delighted buzz, accompanied by the shrill shriek of the dying Clump.

A thousand sweaty cranks later, the arm was retracted with the dangling, bloody mess still adhered to its end, pierced by ten greedy blades. Its googly eyes were milky in death. Grotus, satisfied, dropped its hapless corpse into his disposal container, before turning for gratitude, and maybe … a kiss? But he soon found himself urged rapidly from the apartment, to comfort himself at home…

Meanwhile the housewife made a good test of the newly cleared sink by vomiting copiously into it.

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