Puffin Tudor, Master Detective

Source image: Kater


Dedicated to frasitdayplanol

Ms Puffin spun her pen on the end of a golden fingernail, chuckling as it kept up its helicopter act for a full 50 seconds.

“A new world record!” She flicked the pen into the metal waste bin. “And a three-pointer!”

Woof! yapped Mr Barkley disapprovingly, the voice of reason in this detective agency hole-in-the-wall.

“Yeah, I know, Barkley, the bills have blocked up the door, the creditors are hollering down the chimney, and we haven’t had a new client in months.” She jammed her foot against the pillows in the fireplace and puffed at the completely unused IN tray causing a hurricane of dust and a whooping cough like she was ejecting a lung.

Barkley sneezed in her face and tried to wriggle out of her grip

“How are we even surviving?” she said wistfully shedding a tear.

She hugged the one and only pet that could stand being around her. Too close. Barkley growled.

“Oh Barkley,” she opined unnecessarily, “what if no work comes? What if – GASP – there’s no more crime, no more detective work?” Her eyes swelled to the size of googly dinner plates.


Woof, woof, bark! Barkley pushed the morning paper with the end of his nose and made his escape.

Across the front page stalked some awfully tall letters: “CROWN JEWELS STOLEN, SOME KIND OF HEIST?!”

“Could it be…?” Her Einsteinien mind dissected the article (and its monetary significance) grilled everything over a slow flame of logic, and digested it whole. She instantly had a headache and had to compile her own notes in a poem.

Some fancy funny British clothes (the stuff of royalty)

Vanished last night (no one knows how)

At a fancy dress party.

The class was high, the chitchat great, the hor d’oeuvres were just wow

(Yes, yes, dear Barkley, you are right. THAT’S NOT IMPORTANT NOW.)

There came a scream. The music stopped.

The chandeliers blinked out.

And in this pitch black dancing hall

 There rose a horrid SHOUT!

“The Jewels – GONE!” someone declared.

“By Jove, it’s really so! How very very shocked I am. And that’s the truth you know.”

While British police scamper round

Digging up, chasing facts

I, Puffin Tudor Toledo

Now have a case to crack!

“Ow..” she rubbed her head and giggled painfully.




Kater’s original pic:


Note to self: To achieve feature image effect: Increase brightness and contrast

Puffin’s character inspired in no small part by the goonish irreverence of Mabel Pines of Gravity Falls.

Extra poem snippets that didn’t make the cut:

Security cameras caught a face

Appearing by the window

Before a



Newspaper hats and one plastic spoon.

The guards knocked out by actual clocks

Knocked out and left a-snoring.

And all the tapes of t

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