Puffin Tudor, Master Detective

Source image: Kater

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Dedicated to frasitdayplanol

Ms Puffin spun her pen on the end of a golden fingernail, chuckling as it kept up its helicopter act for a full 50 seconds.

“A new world record!” She flicked the pen into the metal waste bin. “And a three-pointer!”

Woof! yapped Mr Barkley disapprovingly, the voice of reason in this detective agency hole-in-the-wall.

“Yeah, I know, Barkley, the bills have blocked up the door, the creditors are hollering down the chimney, and we haven’t had a new client in months.” She jammed her foot against the pillows in the fireplace and puffed at the completely unused IN tray causing a hurricane of dust and a whooping cough like she was ejecting a lung.

Barkley sneezed in her face and tried to wriggle out of her grip

“How are we even surviving?” she said wistfully shedding a tear.

She hugged the one and only pet that could stand being around her. Too close. Barkley growled.

“Oh Barkley,” she opined unnecessarily, “what if no work comes? What if – GASP – there’s no more crime, no more detective work?” Her eyes swelled to the size of googly dinner plates.

“NOOOOOOOO – ah CHOO! – OOOOOOOOH!”

Woof, woof, bark! Barkley pushed the morning paper with the end of his nose and made his escape.

Across the front page stalked some awfully tall letters: “CROWN JEWELS STOLEN, SOME KIND OF HEIST?!”

“Could it be…?” Her Einsteinien mind dissected the article (and its monetary significance) grilled everything over a slow flame of logic, and digested it whole. She instantly had a headache and had to compile her own notes in a poem.

Some fancy funny British clothes (the stuff of royalty)

Vanished last night (no one knows how)

At a fancy dress party.

The class was high, the chitchat great, the hor d’oeuvres were just wow

(Yes, yes, dear Barkley, you are right. THAT’S NOT IMPORTANT NOW.)

There came a scream. The music stopped.

The chandeliers blinked out.

And in this pitch black dancing hall

 There rose a horrid SHOUT!

“The Jewels – GONE!” someone declared.

“By Jove, it’s really so! How very very shocked I am. And that’s the truth you know.”

While British police scamper round

Digging up, chasing facts

I, Puffin Tudor Toledo

Now have a case to crack!

“Ow..” she rubbed her head and giggled painfully.

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Cheers

NOTES

Kater’s original pic:

15852298556_9205f24a88_k

Note to self: To achieve feature image effect: Increase brightness and contrast

Puffin’s character inspired in no small part by the goonish irreverence of Mabel Pines of Gravity Falls.

Extra poem snippets that didn’t make the cut:

Security cameras caught a face

Appearing by the window

Before a

 

Appearing

Newspaper hats and one plastic spoon.

The guards knocked out by actual clocks

Knocked out and left a-snoring.

And all the tapes of t

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