Source image: Kater
Dedicated to frasitdayplanol
Ms Puffin spun her pen on the end of a golden fingernail, chuckling as it kept up its helicopter act for a full 50 seconds.
“A new world record!” She flicked the pen into the metal waste bin. “And a three-pointer!”
Woof! yapped Mr Barkley disapprovingly, the voice of reason in this detective agency hole-in-the-wall.
“Yeah, I know, Barkley, the bills have blocked up the door, the creditors are hollering down the chimney, and we haven’t had a new client in months.” She jammed her foot against the pillows in the fireplace and puffed at the completely unused IN tray causing a hurricane of dust and a whooping cough like she was ejecting a lung.
Barkley sneezed in her face and tried to wriggle out of her grip
“How are we even surviving?” she said wistfully shedding a tear.
She hugged the one and only pet that could stand being around her. Too close. Barkley growled.
“Oh Barkley,” she opined unnecessarily, “what if no work comes? What if – GASP – there’s no more crime, no more detective work?” Her eyes swelled to the size of googly dinner plates.
“NOOOOOOOO – ah CHOO! – OOOOOOOOH!”
Woof, woof, bark! Barkley pushed the morning paper with the end of his nose and made his escape.
Across the front page stalked some awfully tall letters: “CROWN JEWELS STOLEN, SOME KIND OF HEIST?!”
“Could it be…?” Her Einsteinien mind dissected the article (and its monetary significance) grilled everything over a slow flame of logic, and digested it whole. She instantly had a headache and had to compile her own notes in a poem.
Some fancy funny British clothes (the stuff of royalty)
Vanished last night (no one knows how)
At a fancy dress party.
The class was high, the chitchat great, the hor d’oeuvres were just wow
(Yes, yes, dear Barkley, you are right. THAT’S NOT IMPORTANT NOW.)
There came a scream. The music stopped.
The chandeliers blinked out.
And in this pitch black dancing hall
There rose a horrid SHOUT!
“The Jewels – GONE!” someone declared.
“By Jove, it’s really so! How very very shocked I am. And that’s the truth you know.”
While British police scamper round
Digging up, chasing facts
I, Puffin Tudor Toledo
Now have a case to crack!
“Ow..” she rubbed her head and giggled painfully.
Kater’s original pic:
Note to self: To achieve feature image effect: Increase brightness and contrast
Puffin’s character inspired in no small part by the goonish irreverence of Mabel Pines of Gravity Falls.
Extra poem snippets that didn’t make the cut:
Security cameras caught a face
Appearing by the window
Newspaper hats and one plastic spoon.
The guards knocked out by actual clocks
Knocked out and left a-snoring.
And all the tapes of t