Stuff that Never Dies

Image: angelorosa

The chicken struggled. Despite its not having a head, or brain, or any of its internal organs.

In this world, that was normal.

Things had to be literally bludgeoned into submission, and even then, the parts that still could move did. Frog legs perpetually leaped from pots, chickens bruised themselves against the inside of ovens, and don’t even talk about the horrors of a spoon of caviar.

This principle of excessive liveliness, to put it mildly, was explained in 10, 878 by Professorial Edutainment-Ecto-Physio-Columnist Bern von Bernie as the “Life” principle, by which things just raged against the dying of the light to such a cellular extent that they really started messing up the foodchain since ages ago.

People literally walked around with bruised stomachs because they had to keep hitting their food to keep it from struggling, and when we talked to them in passing about the chest-bursters from Alien, they failed to find it horrifying.

Sadly to say, in the course of reverse-history, things have quietened down quite a bit, and stopped fussing so much, so that by the year 2000, no thickets have blossomed from soup pots or mushrooms from omelettes, but this memory still remains in the suspicious glance we give to fish heads and roast chickens just before we dig in.


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